Over a hot piping 'tumbler of coffee - Leadership and Value lessons

Leadership and Value lessons

Singularly unexpected sources

Shiva Iyer

10 Oct 2013 | Pune

I'd like to share an episode that happened a couple of weekends back - I had just returned from my daily morning workout. I had made myself a good hot steaming 'tumbler' of coffee and my attention was drawn to three children playing, in the lane adjoining my house.

The youngest, Kinnu(K) must have been just 1 year old and his elder brother Raju(R) around 5 years. There was yet another boy, Jeevan(J), who was around 3 years old.

J and R were riding their trainer cycles and J's cycle had veered off into the slightly slushy side. J got down and started to push from the side. Seeing this, R stopped around 5 meters ahead and asked J what happened. - No reply - just a huge scream and a sudden bout of crying from J.

Suddenly another cry emanated in the distance - K, the younger sibling - started bawling.... Understandably he had wandered some metres beyond his usual toddling rounds and he was scared.

R got down from his cycle and started walking back towards K. With a simple, 'Wait. I'll be back..' to J, as he passed him, R reached his brother and tried to pacify him - no result. Try as he might, the 1 year old K, would not listen to R. On the other side, J found his feet covered with slush and it probably made him more irritated and he yelled; at no one in particular.

In the early hours of a Saturday morning, not much attention was being given to these 3 children playing.

R walked back to where he left his cycle and rode it back to his brother who was still weeping where he left him. He pleaded with K, his brother - 'Why don't you sit on the cycle and I'll push you back home'. No response - the bawling continued.

Suddenly R just grabbed his 1 year old brother from the back, lifted him,  and started walking back to where their house was - a small distance of around 30 metres - He didn't put K down until he reached his house and again said 'I'll be back..' to J as he passed. After leaving K, now sniffling at their doorstep, R hurried back to J, lent him his hand and said 'Come over to the drier side, I'll get your cycle out'. Oddly, J started pushing the cycle, with a renewed sense of vigour, while totally ignoring R!

R then grabbed the front tyre and started to pull the cycle - but this seemed to infuriate little J who started shouting at R. R's response was to come around with a brick that he found, to get leverage on the slushy side, and put it just ahead and under the cycle's rear tyre to help J get some traction and then hurried back to the front and started pulling.

J bent down, took the brick and hurled it back at R, narrowly missing R.

Surprisingly, R didn't do anything, but kept pulling the front tyre, not heeding the ranting  J.  As J was pushing, the front tyre of the cycle was suddenly shifted onto the drier area and R just sat down with the front tyre still in his hand. He started to get up and let go of the tyre. For some reason, this infuriated J more and he made a sudden pull that resulted in the cycle turning sideways and with one of the trainer tyres and pedals getting caught in the slush, yet again. 

Now J was very angry and he walked around for an altercation with R. R tried to explain, but J wouldn't change his stance. Resignedly, R went back to get his cycle and started riding it. Every now and then he'd kind of halt across where J was continuing to struggle with the cycle as if indicating 'Call me if you need anything'. But J never did.

Some minutes later, an adult came by, looked at J struggling, and just yanked both J and the cycle out and left them on the drier side of the road. J now walked with his cycle back to his house and started complaining to an elder as to how R had pushed him! The elder man called out to R and sounded him off. Listening to the elder's voice, R's mother had come out and she started scolding R, for causing trouble added that he didn't even take care of his younger sibling who had reportedly been crying a few minutes back.

R listened. He never interrupted or tried to explain, he just waited, then went back to cycling. He called out to his little brother who was now having something that looked like Cadbury's Gems in his hand. The little K, held out his hand and R smiled and the two walked over to J. J was busy scraping his sandals on the side-walk. R offered him some Gems and J suddenly smiled. K was lifted onto R's cycle by R and both J and R pushed the cycle. The world around them continued.

Later towards the afternoon, when I went down to buy some fruits, I walked by R's house - he and his friends were playing with marbles - I distributed packs of Gems to all the children.

The episode had started me thinking. I jotted down a few points.

Often at times, friends and colleauges share their dilemmas on projects, programs or activities. The response to the dilemmas centre around to the ‘don’t know what to do’ or the much more experienced response ‘continue doing what has worked in the past’.

Both responses – are sooner than later, followed by an ‘escalation’ that demand ‘more explanations’ and ‘justifications’. At times there could also be rebuke and warnings -  the objective remains in limbo.

At these times, it is the true sense of Leadership and Values – as espoused by Raju above – that shines through as different and effective.

Doing the right thing – getting into the heart of the ‘sticky situation’ personally, own, contribute and drive towards next steps. When escalations get messy, the ability to absorb the same, without judgement and retribution, builds character and promotes inclusion. The values and behaviours then undergo the transformation that is subscriptive and not prescriptive. Leadership is seen in doing the right thing.

The 'little gems of wisdom' that I cherish from the above episode, helped reinforce my understanding values and how our behaviours reflect these - fundamentally, focus on Doing the right thing, when faced with Volatility, Ambiguity, and Uncertainty.